F
time is going by so very quickly. i remember last Wednesday like yesterday. and i haven't felt bad, so maybe happiness goes by quickly. but i wonder if being sad and thinking (negatively) about every moment as it comes is better than being a positive apathetic and dying tomorrow.
turns out i don't need to do any more job shadowing this year - GSA will take care of all of that.
and i feel settled. i can walk to the bathroom by myself in a store somewhere and not feel nervous. i can walk down a sidewalk with other people alone and feel not so shaky. i still won't raise my hand in class, but that's for other reasons. i can start conversations with people and say what i want to say but phrase it so it isn't weird. i'm not the person that makes people uncomfortable anymore, at least in my head.
but time. really. no fights with brandon, no sadness or anger i can't explain. i can decide what i want to do and then actually do it, no negative feelings attached. i've been Facebook-free for over a month now, and the best part is that i didn't realize it until this moment. i'm just really happy, if happiness means knowing finally where you're headed.
maybe it was just the bad weather, who knows :) but i do regret it slipping away. i used to just want to get out of this point in my life, but now i'm wondering where it all went to.