A Dry and Dusty Spring Break
So we ventured off to Vegas. Despite a 4-hour direct flight and no hassle of any sort, it was still tiring. The flight was also very bumpy during the end and we had to wait an extra 20 minutes because it was too windy to land. I about puked :P
So... quick recap: we stayed at one of the nicer hotels, saw a lot of expensive crap for sale at stores, got bombarded with hooker calling cards from middle-aged Mexicans that roamed the streets looking for ways to incorporate their prostitution service into the lives of others... that was a long sentence. D: But it wasn't too hot (it was actually pretty cold) and we ended up leaving after two days. But I saw the Blue Man Group and it was awesome :) It reminded me of 10,000 Days and Lateralus, for some reason. Just the mood, I guess.
Speaking of moods... I think I'm beginning to feel depressed. Over the past couple of weeks I've just been feeling really hopeless and lost, like I'm missing something that's painfully obvious to everyone else. I don't feel anything anymore, really. I've just been on the verge of tears for a very long time, and I cried twice today for really no reason at all. It felt fulfilling to cry, like I was actually experiencing enough emotion to feel like I was living again. This probably isn't something I should broadcast to the public, but I'd never write about it otherwise and writing leads to self-discovery (well, for me anyway). I don't think it's a huge deal, but I do realize I've got some big and incapacitating issues with society and other people as a whole that just generally upset me. We'll see where this goes.
Apart from that...
Saw the Grand Canyon. It really was grand :) Beautiful. I want to hike down to the river someday and spend a few days there and connect. I don't really like the blah-scenery of the west, but if you have time to really look at it, the rocks and shrubs are kind of pretty. I'd love to be a Native American roaming the west 150 years ago - what freedom...
I feel like I'm writing like an old woman. Oh, and I deleted my Facebook. It really didn't help my mood but I'm sure it will benefit me in the long run. It was stupid to rely that much on a website. I invested so much time reading everyone's updates and doing surveys and everything when I could have just talked to people in person. I've kind of forgotten how to make friends, you know. I don't really know how to talk to people in general. I do just fine in front of crowds, but it's those small groups of people and one-on-one that make me really feel isolated and alone, like I'm above them in certain areas and below them in others. Social hierarchy is something I notice all the time, and I've said that before. Where I see myself in the hierarchy is definitely a factor in why I feel so bad all the time... and I always tend to assume I'm at the very bottom. (I didn't say that for your pity, I said it because it's how I think.)
Well, it's 1am, 10pm AZ time. Might as well go to bed and deal with everyone about my hair tomorrow. I'll post pictures of Spring Break sooner or later, if I actually have the motivation to do anything at all these next few weeks.