Awake

I'm 14, nearly 15. I think some people must forget what it's like to be 14, though, because nobody seems to be pardoning the awkwardness and the insecurities that (I assume) are associated with this age. Awkwardness and insecurities that I've been experiencing over the past, well, year now. Not that my problems are front-page news, but it's up to me to stop seeing them as all-important need-to-know information.

Teenagers make decisions based on how we feel at the time. We procrastinate and don't learn from it until months later. We walk into rooms either feeling like we own them or don't belong there at all (it's always one or the other, trust me). Identity is a big thing - finding something that can define us until we learn to define ourselves. We're always tired and have weird sleeping patterns. Journals are either written in faithfully every night or burned until every last page is devoured by flame. (What original language, gah.)

... or maybe that's just me, who knows.

I'm the kind of person that makes big plans and abandons them after the first day. Sometimes I wonder if I should be punished for my lack of proactivity, yet I just love the way I feel when making those plans. It's like I'm sipping ambrosia from cupped fingers - quickly draining away, yet oh-so delicious while it lasts. But are those 10 minutes of excitement even worth the grueling 10-month chore-fest or granola bar diet that I plan for myself? I think so. I'm fine with who I am right now IN THE END, so let me keep my dreams. Some days I might have a bad hair day or a pimple, but in the end I think I'm a good person where it matters. Sometimes I make bad decisions and begin to regret more than I bargained for, but that's life, and I'm proud of myself I've accepted my flaws this early. For once, the words "don't worry about it" and "don't care so much" actually make sense. Tomorrow they won't (well, maybe they will, it's Friday night) but I'm positive a good 70% of the time about my life, I think.

(By the way, I'm not very good at concentrating while I have music playing, so sorry if this seems long, pointless, repetitive, or all three. Genius is the best thing that happened to iTunes, in my opinion. "Mountains come out of the sky and they stand there." Yes (the band, not the agreement) states the obvious most of the time in this song...)

If I think of something else to write about, I'll let you know :) Happy traveling.